Spanking is a BDSM practice that’s often straddled the fine line between a fascinating taboo and an enthralling adventure. Spanking doesn’t just offer physical and visual appeal, through the act of smacking someone with a bondage paddle, a baton or even just a hand, but it also represents the complex power dynamics, trust elements and intimacy levels of a couple.
Before you dive into the alluring realm of soft pleasure-pain play, it’s important to understand the different types of spanking, what you intend to get out of it and also address your desires with your partner.
Spanking is a multifaceted phenomenon that encompasses physical sensation and psychological response. It invites us to explore the complexities of our desires and test our connections with each other.
Spanking can be a way to carve out a brand-new persona in the bedroom and enjoy each other’s bodies in a whole new way. But developing and perfecting that experience will take time, trust and understanding.
First, let’s take a look into why people like spanking…
Spanking, along with a whole host of pleasure-pain activities is a way to release certain happy hormones in combination with a fight or flight response. When someone experiences pain in a pleasurable setting, they feel the rush of endorphins that brings pleasure and heightened arousal mixed with the adrenaline that’s brought about by the pain response. The natural response to both stimuli combined is increased blood flow and enhanced sensitivity at the nerve endings, making skin more receptive to touch.
Spanking isn’t just about the physical effects – it also evokes an emotional and psychological response for many people. In fact, what the act symbolises is often much more important than what it does to the body.
For many people, spanking is a form of control and discipline. It’s often the case that people who are less dominant in their working or home lives feel that spanking their partner is an opportunity to take back some of that power.
For example, a partner who earns less money, or has a less high-powered job may feel that sex is a chance to assert themselves in other areas. While, alternatively, those high-powered business types might want a break from the responsibility and welcome the chance for their partner to take the reins.
In consensual scenarios, spanking can create a space where these roles are clearly defined – the giver assumes a position of authority, while the receiver submits. This power exchange can be incredibly stimulating for both parties.
However, this dynamic is not solely about one person overpowering another; it’s often a dance of mutual understanding and trust. Both parties must communicate clearly and respect each other’s limits, fostering a deep sense of connection and intimacy. The boundaries set can enhance the experience, making it a powerful tool for emotional exploration within the relationship.
As with any sexual practice, exploration requires a huge amount of trust and confidence in the other person. Spanking requires both partners to be open and vulnerable, so consent is absolutely key.
If done right, spanking can actually enhance the intimacy and bond between two partners, allowing them to express their deepest desires and limits, developing a deeper connection and enhancing mutual respect.
Your spanking paddle or similar toy can make or break your spanking session, so you need to make sure you find the right one for both of you.
For some people, a gentle slap on the bottom during sex is just enough to heighten the arousal. It makes the spanker feel powerful and the spankee feel naughty. If this works for you then it’s a cheap and easy alternative to up-the-ante that can be used anywhere at any time. Convenience is key here.
A leather spanking paddle is a step up with a smooth and soft surface that adds an element of luxury. These types of paddles are a good beginner’s tool as they are often double sided with varying textures and allow you to make a good smacking sound without too much pain to the submissive (see product below).
These deluxe Padded Leather Ping Pong Paddle from Rouge Garments caters to individuals at any level of bondage experience, from beginners to seasoned practitioners. The black paddle features two distinct sides: one padded side for delivering a firm whack, and the other side for providing a satisfying sting.
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£49.99
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A wooden spanking paddle is a good choice for those looking to deliver more pain. The lack of give in the material means that the actual smacking noise may be lessened, while the pain element is heightened. Some wooden paddles or canes, such as shown below, are designed to leave a mark too, so they’re a favourite of couples who share ownership fetishes and like to see proof of their work.
This wooden spanking paddle by Rimba adds a little fun to your bondage play with a sharper impact than leather paddles. The wood makes a greater impression on the skin, leaving a long-lasting burning sensation to make the skin more sensitive to touch and leaving behind a smooth finish with the imprinted word ’BITCH’ stamped across them.
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£28.99
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A forked spanking paddle (see picture below) shows a little more flare for the fantasy. The ‘tails’ on the paddle may move independently, providing less air resistance and allowing a harder smack combined with higher levels of pain. It’s a good spanking paddle to choose for fetish enthusiasts and works well with a good leather or PVC outfit.
The leather 3-tongue paddle with a metal strip inside is a great bondage accessory to explore the enticing sensations of erotic spanking. Spank your eager playmate’s buttocks and thighs into a delicious haze of pain-pleasure!
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£39.99
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£39.99
To begin, it’s a good idea to discuss your desire to be spanked or to be the spanker and explore why the idea excites you. Understanding exactly what you want to get from the experience can help your partner to get more involved and make it a pleasant experience for both of you.
As it’s something brand new, it’s also a great idea to implement a safe word to begin with. Something that’s not related to your everyday conversations or sexual practices and can easily be identified if your partner has reached their limit.
There MUST be an agreement in place that once the safe word is uttered, the spanking stops immediately. Continuing after this could damage your sexual relationship, as it may be seen as a breakage of trust.
Spanking invites us to explore the complexities of human desire and connection, shedding light on the different ways we seek intimacy and pleasure in our lives. Whether it’s the thrill of power dynamics, the deepening of trust and intimacy, or the fulfilment of psychological needs, spanking offers a unique and intriguing avenue for personal and couples exploration.
If you liked this blog, you may also want to read our guide on How to spank for pleasure.
