An orgasm gap refers to the amount of time between partners reaching climax during sex. This can often mean that one partner is left without reaching orgasm at all and it’s actually incredibly common.
There are a few reasons that an O gap occurs and it’s often solved by focusing on communication. Anatomical differences between partners’ bodies, including the location and sensitivity of the erogenous zones, can contribute to a variation in the ease of achieving orgasm and how much effort and attention is put in.
Other psychological factors including stress, anxiety or self-consciousness can also contribute to a delayed orgasm for some people. It’s important to understand the reasons that your partner is struggling to orgasm, or climaxing too quickly, and work together to find a joint, toe-curling solution.
Orgasm gaps are common in relationships and, as with anything else in the relationship, they take work and commitment to resolve. The first thing to focus on is that it’s completely normal to orgasm at different times. It should never be a reason to feel embarrassed or ashamed.
However, recognising it and taking ownership of the problem can ensure both partners have a much more fulfilling experience.
Clear communication is your tool to a joint climax. This may be before sex occurs or during. You could initially talk through the things you like the most, discuss issues that might delay orgasm and try to find techniques that could get your partner there a little faster.
It’s even a good idea to watch how they masturbate, if you’re comfortable with mutual masturbation. Try to replicate their movements, then you’ll start to understand the best ways to please them during a sexual encounter.
Communication during sex is your most powerful tool, whether this is through actual words or sounds. If your partner’s breath is becoming more laboured or they let out a moan, then it’s clear that they’re having a good time, so keep at it. Equally, if they go quiet on you, it’s probably time to switch it up.
Remember, faking is never helpful! It just means that you’ll get the same feeling again next time, so it’s best to be honest. If you aren’t feeling it, then perhaps direct your partner elsewhere.
Don’t be afraid to try something new. The saying is true that if you keep doing what you’ve always done, then you’ll get what you always got.
If one partner always orgasms before the other, then you probably want to change this. Talk about fantasies or fetishes that each partner may have and try those out. Role playing, naughty games or even some sexy lingerie may speed up an orgasm and bring you in line.
The orgasm gap is most often caused by a couple jumping straight to the sex. Naturally people orgasm at different times and focusing on penetration is bound to cause one partner to feel a little disappointed.
Foreplay is a way for both partners to enjoy the experience before reaching penetration. Why not try some masturbation or oral sex before you reach the end goal. This will not only enhance the experience for both partners, prolonging the sensation, but it will also allow both partners to reach a level playing field before penetration.
There may also be toys that can help you speed up or delay orgasm to help you stay on the same page. Have an open and honest conversation to ensure you’re both comfortable with sex toys before moving forward. You may want to take a look at our blog how to introduce sex toys into your relationship.
Some recommendation for a delayed orgasm are:
Cock rings: penis rings are a great toy to enhance an erection and also restrict blood flow to the penis, meaning that you can go for longer. Vibrating cock rings also provide extra stimulation to the other partner, to heighten their sensitivity, killing two birds with one stone. Why not take a look at the Bcharmed Basic Plus Massaging Dual Cock Ring from B Swish (pictured)?
This black Bcharmed Basic Plus dual massaging ring is a step up from the classic cock ring, featuring a strong mini motor that adds pleasure to both solo and partner play. Made of 100% body-safe silicone, this ring is flexible for a snug fit and a silky feel.
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Delay sprays and creams: designed to lessen the sensation in the penis, they create a slight numbing effect. This means that sex still feels good, but climax can be delayed a little longer to allow your partner time to get there. EXS offers many delay products, for example the Delay Spray Plus Performance Enhancer (pictured).
EXS Delay Spray Plus stands as a tried-and-tested solution embraced by men worldwide, ranking among the most sought-after performance enhancer sprays available! Formulated primarily with clove oil, this desensitizing spray for men temporarily diminishes sensitivity, ensuring that sexual experiences remain manageable and pleasurable. Elevate your bedroom experience with this delay spray, extending your sexual encounters.
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Condoms: condoms aren’t just a safer option, but they can also be used to decrease the sensation in the penis. Wearing a condom could add a few more minutes to your encounter to allow the other partner to reach climax. For this purpose, we recommend the thicker Extra Safe Condom from Secura (pictured).
The silky-smooth Extra Safe condoms by Secura feature an increased wall thickness that reduces friction on the glans and can therefore increase your stamina during intercourse. The super safe condoms with a generous silicone-based coating also provide additional safety during anal sex. The extra strong, tear-proof condoms balance comfort, durability and reliability to give you peace of mind and full sensation during sex.
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On the other hand, you can speed up an orgasm using:
Butt plugs: the best way to achieve an orgasm is to provide more stimulation. But if you’re already at the penetration stage, then you’ll need to look elsewhere. Butt plugs will enhance the sensation for men or women during sex, giving that extra bit of stimulation to push them over the edge. For a buzzing anal plug, the Twinny Bud Vibrating Butt Plug by Love To Love is a good choice (pictured).
Two liquid silicone plugs team up in the Twinny Bud by Love To Love to give you double the anal pleasure. This vibrating butt plug provides unique sensations you’ll love, can be adjusted across 10 vibration modes, and is USB-rechargeable (playtime 1.5h, charging time 2h).
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Couples vibrators: unfortunately, the media presents the huge misconception that all women orgasm from penetration alone. But in reality, around 80% of women require clitoral or alternative stimulation combined with penetration to reach orgasm. The best orgasms are achieved by combining G-spot and C-spot stimulation simultaneously.
If you want to try using a clit stimulator, or clitoral suction toy during penetrative sex, take a look at the sensual Lelo Sona Sonic Clitoral Massager (pictured).
With the pink Lelo Sona sonic massager, Lelo offers a new paradigm of pleasure, with a fluttering, pulsing sex toy that stimulates the entire clitoris for a different kind of orgasm. The sonic waves penetrate deeply throughout the sensitive, nerve-rich clitoral region, bringing you to a prolonged climax after a sensual build-up.
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There are a range of couples vibrators out there that can be used during sex to achieve blended stimulation and bring about a faster climax. If you’d like us to choose for you, consider the Satisfyer’s Partner Whale Couples Vibrator (pictured).
The cute and fresh design of the Partner Whale couples vibrator makes this an excellent toy for couples new to sex toys and looking to add that little something extra to their bedroom routine. Worn during lovemaking, this body-friendly, silky silicone vibrator offers internal G-spot and vaginal stimulation, clitoral vibration, as well as providing tingling stimulation for the penis during intercourse.
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People naturally orgasm with different levels of stimulation. We’re all individuals, so assuming that your partner will orgasm at the same time as you every time is unrealistic.
Just focus your efforts on communication and work on their pleasure, rather than your own. If both partners do this, then you’re more likely to come to a natural climax together.
