Introducing sex toys into a relationship requires delicacy, openness and tact, no matter what stage of the relationship you’re in. It’s a potentially sensitive subject and it may be that one partner is much more confident and outgoing in that area than the other.
Always approach the conversation with care and consideration for the other person, remembering that their views and experiences will always differ from your own. Whether it’s a cock ring or a flogger, we hope we can provide some assistance to help you discuss your sexual desires with your partner.
Incorporating sex toys into your relationship may inject novelty, facilitating communication about desires, boundaries, preferences, and dislikes. It can also increase your intimacy and trust, bringing you closer together.
Everyone is different, so talking through your unique desires can develop sexual confidence and total fulfilment without embarrassment. Emphasising the potential benefits of sex toys in your relationship can help you frame the conversation positively and move forward together for enhanced pleasure and a more accomplished sex life.
Toys offer sensations that our bodies are incapable of producing, such as pulsing and vibrating. These unique sensations often contribute to more consistent and frequent orgasms. The diverse range of experiences provided by toys can also help couples maintain variety and interest in their sexual activities.
Some toys can help you speed up or delay climax to assist you stay on the same page and address orgasm gaps. for more information, take a look at our blog on addressing orgasm gaps – how to achieve sexual equity.
There isn’t THE perfect moment in a relationship to broach the subject of sex toys. If you’re uncertain about initiating the conversation, you could present it as an idea you came across in an article, on TV, or during a conversation with a friend. Allocate time separate from sexual activity to discuss it, and consider bringing it up in a casual, light-hearted manner.
Discussing the exploration of sex toys doesn’t need to be intimidating. However, discussing sexual preferences requires a certain level of vulnerability that not everyone feels comfortable with.
Expressing your feelings and emotions to your partner is crucial; use ‘I’ statements to discuss your feelings, rather than using ‘we.’ This helps to separate your partner’s preferences from your own, avoiding a confrontational atmosphere and allowing both partners to express any concerns or reservations they may have.
Avoid apologising or retreating from your desires, as doing so can increase anxiety and tension for both of you. Instead, approach the topic from a perspective of exploration, viewing sex toys as one of several possibilities to enhance your sex life and discover new fulfilling experiences together.
If your partner is unhappy to engage in the conversation or entertain the idea, avoid pressuring them. Instead, attempt to discuss the reasons behind their discomfort. Then, work together to address any fears or stigmas they may hold about toys or sex.
Avoid simply bringing a toy out during sex without informing your partner beforehand. Unless you’re certain your partner is comfortable with spontaneity and enjoys surprises in the bedroom. Such actions can induce feelings of anxiety and pressure, potentially triggering insecurities or even causing conflicts.
It’s still a widespread belief that toys are solely for individual use. This belief can lead individuals to perceive an interest in toys as a challenge to their sexual abilities or as a form of sexual rivalry.
Reassure them that introducing toys is not about replacing them or indicating dissatisfaction with their bedroom performance. For this reason, never have the first toy discussion in the bedroom because it may suggest problems or dissatisfaction with them. To alleviate potential concerns, emphasise that it’s about exploring new experiences together, enhancing your sex life, and adding excitement.
Research is the key. Don’t go into it blindly; look online for sex toys that stand out to you, reading the descriptions to understand which ones might suit your needs best.
Don’t be too concerned about making the right choice the first time. It’s not a race, if you order something and find out that it doesn’t work for you, you can always select something else.
It’s also a good idea to read the reviews from other people online. This gives you an in-depth idea of what to expect, but also normalises toy use, seeing that there are many other people out there with the same desires as you.
Encourage each other to consider alternatives beyond traditional genital stimulation, discussing where your ideas align or diverge. Maintain an ongoing dialogue about the sensations you both find pleasurable, and how toys could complement your existing sexual dynamics.
You or your partner may also already possess toys used individually that you’re eager to explore together. Try to introduce these gradually, as they’re not totally alien to your bedroom. Demonstrate how you use the toy on yourself and have your partner copy you.
Always be open to laugh at yourself and with each other and don’t expect perfect results the first time. To avoid frustration and find functional, body-safe toys and sexual aids that work for you, take a look at our comprehensive library of sex, sexual wellness and sex toy guides.
Your fantasy might involve witnessing your partner using a large dildo or engaging in adventurous activities like pegging. However, if you haven’t delved into such play before, we suggest going for something simple and non-intimidating. You can work up to the fancy toys later, maybe you want to start with a shared toy that benefits both partners – like a vibrating cock ring, for example.
Avoid falling into the trap of solely exploring toys marketed for couples. The same type of stimulation seldom works effectively for two people, and many individuals actually prefer using a toy on their partner – observing their partner use a toy, or engaging in mutual masturbation using two different toys.
Naturally, with numerous options available, the decision-making process can feel overwhelming. There’s no need to rush; take your time to explore your options together.
To enhance foreplay, you could try a bullet or finger vibrator designed to stimulate the clitoris, or possibly a massage wand, giving you both the chance for extra sensation by playing with each other. Below we have compiled a few options for you.
Screaming O’s pink Ohare XL vibrating double cock ring turns your member into a rabbit vibrator, giving your partner delightful, targeted clitoral stimulation with the soft, fluttery bunny ears. The comfortable erection rings fit snugly and tight on the penis and balls to enhance your stamina and firmness. The XL O-Hare is the larger version of the very popular OHare.
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The purple (Fuchsia) Oriel Ultimate Couples’ Play Wand is a luxuriously sleek vibrating wand massager that features an intuitive design. Made for deep exploration and all-over stimulation, its gently flexing neck ensures you won’t experience friction or overstimulation. With a bulbous head made of sensuously soft silicone, enjoy satisfying vibrations wherever you want them.
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£49.99
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The Flirty Vibe from CalExotics’ Neon Vibes collection puts knee-quivering pleasure at your fingertips! This ergonomically-curved, ultra-plush finger vibrator gives you easy pinpoint stimulation and 10 functions of full-coverage vibration. The pink silicone mini vibe features flickering bunny ears and a contoured body that will drive you or your lover wild.
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This award-winning Lelo Tiani 3 couples vibrator provides mind-blowing sensation for both of you during penetration play. With a silky, body-safe silicone finish, this innovative sex toy is designed to be worn during sexual intercourse, offering G-spot stimulation for you and external vibration for you both.
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£149.99
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The sensual Booty Call multi-colour anal plug set has something for every back passage. This trio of shiny, flexible, ultra-soft butt plugs from Satisfyer are crafted from the silkiest silicone for premium anal pleasure. The easy-to-insert, frictionless, narrow tips make these perfect for beginners, and the graduated ball sizes allow you to go just as far as you dare.
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Unleash the Vibrating & Squeezable Donut Masturbator from You2Toys – a treat that elevates every intimate encounter. Whether you’re indulging in a solo symphony, or inviting your partner to play, this handheld wonder is your passport to pleasure.
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Remember, your partner might have very different needs to you. Keep in mind that the point of introducing sex toys is to please each other and explore new and exciting ways to provide pleasure.
Introducing sex toys to your relationship should please both partners. When you use your first toy, focus on the reactions of your partner. Talk to each other and communicate exactly what feels good.
The more you talk, the more positive your experience will be, as your partner will understand exactly what you like. This grows your sexual repertoire by discovering new, fantastic things about your partner’s body and enhancing their experience.
When you first start using your new toys, make sure that you check your partner is comfortable and always be open to the idea of putting your fun on hold if they’re not happy with the situation. Your desires may not always marry up at first, and that’s okay.
Reassure them that you’ll work together to find a compromise. The end goal is to develop trust in each other; it’s about moving forward together and finding something that you both enjoy.
Things don’t always go perfectly the first time around, so don’t worry. If you feel that there’s been a disconnect, or that something needs a little adjustment, then talk it over. This is a learning experience for both of you and it’s important to reflect and make changes so that your sex life improves over time.
Always remember that sex toys are a way to enhance intimacy, not a substitute for an emotional connection. Introducing sex toys into a relationship can be a meaningful and enriching experience when approached with care, communication, and mutual consent. It can deepen trust, strengthen the bond between you, and make your sex and love life more fulfilling.
